We undertake responsibilities because we desire to be responsible and productive and "good enough." We strive to improve ourselves, to succeed in life and achieve our goals. But the rub lies in the fact that the very responsibilities we undertake can become obstacles between us and freedom and happiness. In this article, we shall discuss what obligation to ourselves is, where it begins and where it takes us. We shall also consider how to maintain balance and preserve our peace and creativity on the journey.
Understanding Our Responsibilities
Self-imposed responsibility refers to the work and goals we create ourselves to accomplish in work life or in life itself. They are unlike others' responsibilities imposed on us, such as a boss, family members, or society at large, as they are based on our own values.
The Origin of Self-Imposed Responsibility
Most of those responsibilities stem from:
• Desiring Perfection: We want to be perfect at work, in our relationship, or habits and set very high standards difficult to achieve.
• Fear of Failure: In order to avoid the hurt of failure and being let down, we assume additional responsibilities and aspirations.
• Need for Approval: We absorb what others desire of us as we desire to be approved by and meet others' expectations at the expense of what we really want.
• Family and Cultural Influences: Early conceptions of success, work ethic, and duty can establish a powerful habit of pushing ourselves.
The humorous aspect is that such promises, intended to lead us to success, instead create constant stress and fatigue and make us feel as if we are never good enough.
The Double-Edged Sword of Self-Discipline
Self-discipline is valued in most cultures. It is a sign of good character and enables individuals to be successful. However, if self-discipline is reduced to a list of rules and responsibilities, it can stifle creativity and bring stress rather than enjoyment.
Benefits of Self-Imposed Obligations
Rules you create for yourself can have positive consequences:
• Drive Focus: Clear, self-set goals help you maintain direction and avoid distractions.
• Develop Resilience: Surviving difficult periods can make you stronger and reinforce a positive mindset.
• Spur Growth: Regularly pushing yourself to improve can lead to professional and personal development.
• Own Your Work: If you own your work, you will want to follow through on your commitments.
The Irony: Discipline becomes a Burden
The irony comes in where striving to be great creates endless criticism and stress upon yourself.
• Burnout and Illness: Excessive striving to achieve very good results can result in stress and anxiety and ultimately lead to illness.
• Blocked Creativity: Adhering to rules we have established for ourselves will cause us to remain less spontaneous and risk-averse. Spontaneity and risk-taking are essential to generate novel ideas.
• Loss of Joy: When everything you do becomes an obligation, you might lose out on the little pleasures in life, which can leave you unfulfilled despite accomplishing things externally.
• Bad Relationships: You may feel isolated if you overinvest in trying to better yourself. This is because your relationship may deteriorate when you concentrate on perfection only.
Although discipline assists you in achieving your dreams, overstrictness holds you back from development and happiness and this isn't what you desire.
Psychological and Society Related Reasons
To appreciate why we have such high expectations from ourselves, we have to consider the reasons on the social and mental level.
Mental Triggers
• Perfectionism:
Most individuals desire perfection. They do so because they have been raised in an environment where they were loved and approved only if they performed favourably. This develops an unhappy voice inside them that constantly yearns for more.
• Imposter Syndrome:
Even high achievers often struggle with feelings of inadequacy. The need to prove oneself can lead to overworking and an endless cycle of self-imposed obligations.
• Cognitive Dissonance:
When we're in contrast to the individual we desire to be, we create rules for ourselves in an effort to bridge the space between them. Our difference between who we are and who we ought to be keeps us in constant awareness of needing to "fix" ourselves.
Social Influences
• Cultural Expectations:
Most cultures emphasize work, success, and achievements at the expense of personal health at times. One is taught from an early age to show success through external rewards and sacrificing individual needs in order to become great.
• Social Media Pressure:
It is easy to feel bad today because we constantly get to view others' ideal lives. Comparing ourselves with others' ideal photographs places unnecessary pressure on us that we are unable to maintain.
• Economic Realities:
Modern economies are highly competitive and so individuals work as much as they can. Believing you need to work every day in order to be financially stable can create poor working habits.
All of this leads people to believe they need to have strict rules for themselves and strictly follow them in life, without considering how this impacts their health.
Balancing Obligation and freedom
It is difficult to live up to promises, so keeping a balance between performing at your best and looking out for yourself is essential. Here are tips on how to achieve this balance:
1. Redefine Success
Rather than associating success solely with accomplishment, consider a wider definition:
• Include Well-Being:
Success should entail health in body, mind, and emotions.
• Celebrate Small Wins:
Recognize that each small step is a success. Success is not a destination; it's a process.
• Embrace Imperfection:
Accept that failure is part of development. Learn to think of errors as opportunities rather than indicators of inadequacy.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion involves treating yourself kindly and gently, as you would treat a friend kindly and gently.
• Acknowledge Your Efforts:
Celebrate what you've done, even if it isn't perfect.
• Replace Negative Self-Talk:
If your internal critic sounds too harsh, combat it by repeating positive affirmations and reminders of your successes.
• Allow Yourself to Rest:
Understand that rest is not only a reward, but it is extremely necessary for growth. You need to rest in order to succeed long-term.
3. Set Attainable Goals and Priorities
Rather than giving yourself an extended list of tasks to accomplish, pay attention to what matters most.
• Discover Main Goals:
Identify the most significant aspects of your life and concentrate your time and energy there.
• Break Goals into Smaller Steps:
Small and simple steps are best in the long term and won't lead to fatigue.
• Allow Flexibility:
Recognize that your plans and priorities may shift. Be prepared to refine your plans as you grow.
4. Cultivate Mindfulness
It keeps you present and at peace. It allows you to become aware of your thoughts and avoid getting entangled in them.
• Daily Meditation:
Try mindfulness meditation to clear your mind and reduce stress.
• Mindful Reflection:
Check in with yourself regularly to ensure your behavior aligns with your values.
• Accept Things You Cannot Control:
Focus on what you have power over and overlook external pressures beyond your control.
5. Construct a Support Network
A supportive system can provide various perspectives, assistance, and support.
• Seek Mentors and Peers:
Surround yourself with individuals who value true success and not only winning.
• Have Open Conversations:
Share your adventures and issues with your dependable colleagues or friends. Your tale can assist you and bring in fresh ideas.
• Offer Assistance:
Recall that relationships are in cycles. You create a support network and develop together by helping others.
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